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HENDRIX LIVES SHOCK

2007-09-14 17:20:33 by DeadBolt

The rock world was reeling last night with shock at the news that sixties guitar legend Jimi Hendrix, thought to have died in 1970, is alive and well in Carlisle

The story first came to light when van driver and heavy metal fan Will Roberts stopped to make a call at the Chikpan frozen chicken plant in the town. He says "I noticed this tall skinny guy working working near the office when I went in. He looked familiar and thats when it hit me... He was Jimi Hendrix"
Wilf told his friends in the pub last night but most laughed off the story. The following day armed with an album cover he returned to Chikpan.

"CHARLIE"

He discovered that Hendrix is known by his workmates as "Charlie" and has been working at the plant for eleven years.
Hendrix, or "Charlie" refused to answer questions and called a supervisor when Wilf confronted him, with the sleeve from his 1968 masterpiece "Electric Ladyland". The supervisor threatened Wilf with the police if he did not leave, Wilf left and called us.

DOORSTEP

We tracked the rock legend to his home in Boston Avenue and cofronted him on the doorstep. Once more he refused to co-operate and went as far as to deny all knowledge of classic hits suck as "Purple Haze" an "All along the watch tower". He claimed never to have visited the Isle of Wight or Woodstock, the scenes of two of his greatest performances.

EVIDENCE

But we can reveal exclusive and stunning evidence and proves that Charlie and Hendrix are the same person. Workmates we talked to reveal that the celebrity in their midsts refuses to talk about his past and simply claims to have come from Guyana to London in the early seventies. Most conclusive of all is the fact that "Charlie" has unusually long fingers and seems to have incredible strength in his hands.

GIBLETS

As one workmate who wishes to remain anonymous told us, "Iv'e never seen hands like them. He can rip the Giblets out of a chicken in two seconds flat. He just sticks his fingers all the way in, gives his hand a twist and pulls the lot out, It's amazing"

COVER UP

Reports coming from the planet even as this story is going to press suggest that there is a good deal being covered up. Cheif accountant for Chikpan , David O'Brien bears more then a passing resemblance to Buddly Holly and a greying, lankey figure in quality control proves, on close inspection, to be a dead ringer for the late Jim Reeves.

SPOKESMAN

A spokesman for Chikpan re-fused to discuss the case with us. He pointed out that it was not company policy to employ dead rock idols. However, he did not wish to answer questions based on the evidence that we have gathered.


Comments

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iateamexicaniateamexican

2007-09-14 17:24:31

I told you, its shit.

DeadBolt responds:

NO, NONONONONO, NO THANK YOU PLUZ.


MechablobyMechabloby

2007-09-17 12:30:29

NINJAR COOK

DeadBolt responds:

Lul Furry Fabbots 8


LOLZILLALOLZILLA

2007-09-18 18:11:56

I love you.

DeadBolt responds:

ME TOO!


The-word-destroyerThe-word-destroyer

2007-09-22 14:59:59

BUTTSEKS?

DeadBolt responds:

Kai


IThinkImDrunkIThinkImDrunk

2007-09-22 17:20:16

Do you wanna fuck me in my tight asshole?

DeadBolt responds:

No, YOU BE UGLEH.


Genesis14Genesis14

2007-09-23 15:19:54

fuck you

DeadBolt responds:

Penis


iateamexicaniateamexican

2007-09-24 15:23:12

Wow.. 1.75 ppd?
Thats pretty low..
Which isnt a bad thing D:

DeadBolt responds:

Iv'e been here since 05' and my activity on the BBS sort of fluxuates, like I'll spend a month spending loads of time there, then get board of it for a while, etc. etc.


chivichivi

2007-09-24 15:36:19

Hello you piece of shit.

DeadBolt responds:

Hai


TNOATTNOAT

2007-09-24 19:07:21

I'm gay.

DeadBolt responds:

Good for you


chivichivi

2007-09-24 21:26:24

You sound as you were gay.

DeadBolt responds:

OK DEN


Pick-AxePick-Axe

2007-09-25 12:09:41

I <3 Hendrix.

Also, penis.

DeadBolt responds:

Me too =D, and yes please.


alicetheDroogalicetheDroog

2007-09-25 19:59:05

Coolies!

DeadBolt responds:

Huzzah


Hybrid-Of-SoulsHybrid-Of-Souls

2007-09-26 16:10:26

tl;dr

DeadBolt responds:

WANKER, READ IT ANYWAY >=O


greenfaerie4greenfaerie4

2007-09-26 19:08:15

Omg No way!

DeadBolt responds:

Very


someguy789someguy789

2007-09-27 16:39:46

I did not read the book.

DeadBolt responds:

what book?


LochieLochie

2007-09-29 04:13:10

COMMENTING ON YOUR FUCKING USERPAGE TO RECIEVE A FUCKING COMMENT BACK

k?

DeadBolt responds:

Kai


KiddmeizterKiddmeizter

2007-09-29 16:36:50

I thought It said "HENDRIX LIKES COCK"
Seriously.

DeadBolt responds:

That actually made me laugh, I love you.


AchromaticAchromatic

2007-09-29 18:04:33

Hooray Hendrix.

DeadBolt responds:

Huzzah


LOLZILLALOLZILLA

2007-09-30 16:22:24

I pwn at iSketch.

DeadBolt responds:

No, No you don't.


FezzFezz

2007-09-30 18:23:17

lolz

DeadBolt responds:

kai then


TehreTardTehreTard

2007-10-02 16:20:29

GUESS WHO'S BACK DEWD

DeadBolt responds:

LAWLS HAI.


GorifiedPreistHeadGorifiedPreistHead

2007-10-06 13:37:48

I love you,ever since i saw you fappin' on the toilet that one night i was so hot for you watching your wet lucsious body in the shower every night ohhh yeaaahhh...i just wanted yto tell you that cause im pretty sure you feel the same way about me...

cant wait to see you tonight;)

DeadBolt responds:

Me too.


Hijck32Hijck32

2007-10-06 15:35:17

Hendrix rips chicken guts?

DeadBolt responds:

YUUUUUP


Kain-CeverusKain-Ceverus

2007-10-08 13:25:38

XD You should be a tabloid writer.

DeadBolt responds:

Wheee =D


IrishGunIrishGun

2007-10-08 16:04:56

I only read the first part, because I'm lazy. :P

DeadBolt responds:

You penis >=(


AcidSoldierAcidSoldier

2007-10-08 16:09:32

Comment me plz

DeadBolt responds:

Kai


X-TERRORIST-XX-TERRORIST-X

2007-10-08 16:26:12

I agree with everything you said.. great book

DeadBolt responds:

Which book? D:


linkinparkbxlinkinparkbx

2007-10-08 18:34:19

tldr

DeadBolt responds:

Wanker


Firegamer4Firegamer4

2007-10-09 04:48:21

MAN!!! that would be somthin!

DeadBolt responds:

MmmHmm


nirvelyarnirvelyar

2007-10-11 11:54:05

I this c 'n p'd?

DeadBolt responds:

MMMMHMMMM


GaazGaaz

2007-10-11 14:14:16

comment me and i'll comment you for commenting me becuase I commented you.

DeadBolt responds:

ngvfctdxesawedrftyhunjiomkjuhygft


BuoyBuoy

2007-10-11 14:38:38

tl;dr

DeadBolt responds:

Wanker


GrillpieGrillpie

2007-10-11 14:39:45

tl;dr

DeadBolt responds:

Wanker


McFooFaMcFooFa

2007-10-12 15:15:17

ALL ALONG THE WATCHTOWER.

DeadBolt responds:

I has a booboo


LittleluckylinkLittleluckylink

2007-10-12 17:59:18

lolwut

DeadBolt responds:

NO STFU


LorkasLorkas

2007-10-14 07:26:54

COMMENT!

DeadBolt responds:

Kai


Erect-VaginaErect-Vagina

2007-10-15 04:17:18

This made me cry a bit.

DeadBolt responds:

D: .


kylenitzkylenitz

2007-10-16 14:42:27

heres a fucking commemnt

DeadBolt responds:

HEWFPOWIEAFJDSKMLCX,Z.


ArmourArmour

2007-10-18 03:29:50

Sup n***a ?

DeadBolt responds:

ESRDTUYGBNJOKMPL,;


Drift-And-DieDrift-And-Die

2007-10-18 13:06:50

LEAVE ME A FUCKING COMMENT

DVOMMOAQMOSCOP

DeadBolt responds:

KAI


RoseBlackRoseBlack

2007-10-18 17:27:07

:O Oh Noes!

DeadBolt responds:

I know


Duh-BossDuh-Boss

2007-10-24 01:37:16

My name is not Lee Rader.

DeadBolt responds:

OKAI


AxeWarriorAxeWarrior

2007-10-26 19:56:12

where did you get this

DeadBolt responds:

I got the concept from a comic, but wrote it all.


bigjonny13bigjonny13

2007-10-28 21:19:09

hendrix = awesome
this news post = lol
therefore TEH WINNER IS YOU

DeadBolt responds:

HUZZAH


Brick-topBrick-top

2007-10-30 15:23:31

I'M LEAVING YOU A FUCKING COMMENT!

NOW MAKE ME A SAMMICH

DeadBolt responds:

No.


Brick-topBrick-top

2007-10-31 12:15:20

No?

Bastard.

DeadBolt responds:

No sammiches, I'm out of cheese.


Rabid-AnimalsRabid-Animals

2007-11-05 11:12:18

CHICKA CHICKA.


DropkickedDropkicked

2007-11-06 14:00:28

GTFO. There's no way that's true,


someguy789someguy789

2007-11-06 17:22:11

giblets.


ReaperyamiReaperyami

2007-11-29 16:46:57

He's Alive!!!