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UBGI

2009-02-19 17:28:57 by DeadBolt
Updated

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UBGI


HENDRIX LIVES SHOCK

2007-09-14 17:20:33 by DeadBolt

The rock world was reeling last night with shock at the news that sixties guitar legend Jimi Hendrix, thought to have died in 1970, is alive and well in Carlisle

The story first came to light when van driver and heavy metal fan Will Roberts stopped to make a call at the Chikpan frozen chicken plant in the town. He says "I noticed this tall skinny guy working working near the office when I went in. He looked familiar and thats when it hit me... He was Jimi Hendrix"
Wilf told his friends in the pub last night but most laughed off the story. The following day armed with an album cover he returned to Chikpan.

"CHARLIE"

He discovered that Hendrix is known by his workmates as "Charlie" and has been working at the plant for eleven years.
Hendrix, or "Charlie" refused to answer questions and called a supervisor when Wilf confronted him, with the sleeve from his 1968 masterpiece "Electric Ladyland". The supervisor threatened Wilf with the police if he did not leave, Wilf left and called us.

DOORSTEP

We tracked the rock legend to his home in Boston Avenue and cofronted him on the doorstep. Once more he refused to co-operate and went as far as to deny all knowledge of classic hits suck as "Purple Haze" an "All along the watch tower". He claimed never to have visited the Isle of Wight or Woodstock, the scenes of two of his greatest performances.

EVIDENCE

But we can reveal exclusive and stunning evidence and proves that Charlie and Hendrix are the same person. Workmates we talked to reveal that the celebrity in their midsts refuses to talk about his past and simply claims to have come from Guyana to London in the early seventies. Most conclusive of all is the fact that "Charlie" has unusually long fingers and seems to have incredible strength in his hands.

GIBLETS

As one workmate who wishes to remain anonymous told us, "Iv'e never seen hands like them. He can rip the Giblets out of a chicken in two seconds flat. He just sticks his fingers all the way in, gives his hand a twist and pulls the lot out, It's amazing"

COVER UP

Reports coming from the planet even as this story is going to press suggest that there is a good deal being covered up. Cheif accountant for Chikpan , David O'Brien bears more then a passing resemblance to Buddly Holly and a greying, lankey figure in quality control proves, on close inspection, to be a dead ringer for the late Jim Reeves.

SPOKESMAN

A spokesman for Chikpan re-fused to discuss the case with us. He pointed out that it was not company policy to employ dead rock idols. However, he did not wish to answer questions based on the evidence that we have gathered.


"I MADE LOVE TO MY WIFE!" Claims sex husband

2007-08-14 07:37:19 by DeadBolt
Updated

A housewife made love to her husband on regular occasions over a period of several years, it has been revealed. For shapley Sandra Higgins of 42 Rectory Gardens, Bagthorpe, had regular steamy sex sessions with her ex-husband Brian before they were divorced last year.

And now Brian is prepared to describe how his wife regularly WENT TO BED with him at the end of the day. Her saucy antics Included:

* Living in the same house as her husband.

* Wearing underwear beneath her clothes.

* Taking her clothes off to get in the bath.

SIZZLING!

In fact, it is estimated that there are thousands of couples just like Sandra and Brian living, in Britain, partaking in sexual acts nearly every night. Indeed, more then 9 out of 10 married couples HAVE SEX with each other during their lives, a sizzling new survey revealed today. The torrid truth aboutn Britains Bedroom Frolics came to light in a revealing investigation led by senior sexpert Dr. Randall Wino.

STEAMY

"It's Incredible! Everbody's at it!" he told us.

ROASTING

Among the revealing revalations are:

* Over two thirds of married couples sleep in the same bed and make love IN. THE. NUDE.

* In many cases pregnancy can result from these passionate nights if love.

* Many couples who make love together are sexually attracted to each other.

* After making love many couples then Fall asleep

Astonishangly this steamy behavior is not confined to the bedroom. Married couples have been spotted going to pubs and cinemas together. Joe Smith, landlord of the Prince Of Wales pub in Redcar told us: "you can always tell the couples. The come in in pairs and often Hold hands.

PERCOLATED

"They usually sit together and talk quietly, sometimes for hours on end." Mr Smith refused to comment on allegations that couples had later made love together after leaving his premeses.



20 Things You Never Knew About Vegetables.

1. All vegetables come from plants in the ground. The potato for instance comes from the potato plant (planto potatum)

2. The artichoke, a globular leafy herb, is the first ever vegetable. (In alphabetical order)

3. There are two types of swede. one is a vegetable the other is a person who comes from sweden.

4. Among the top celebreties who eat vegetables are pop singer Simon Le Bon and footballer Gary Lineker.

5. There are two kinds of mushroom as well as normal mushrooms there are Chinese mushrooms. Chinese Mushrooms cost more then normal mushrooms In Chinese restaurants.

6. Bamboo is a kind of wooden chiese vegetable.

7. Many vegetables can be cooked from frozen by placing them in a pan of boiling water. Add salt, return to boil and simmer for around 3 minutes

8. The tomato is not a vegetable.

9. The potato is.

10. Eastenders Stars pick their vegetables. Unfortunatley there isn't a cockney rhyming slang for vegetable, because nothing rhymes with it.

11. The common abbreviation for vegetable is Vege but in shops vegetables are usually referred to by their own names like "Cabbage and "Turnip"

12. Phil Collins names Mange Trout as his favorate Vegetable. "It's a small, sweet, premature, unripened peapod" says Phil.

13. There are probably more then 100 different kinds of vegetable altogether. The smallest, the pea, only has three letters in it's name.

14. Cinderella, in the pantomime of the same name, went to the ball in a pumpkin.

15. The word vehemant, meaning ardent or passionate, immediatley follows vegetable in the dictionary.

16. Vehicle is the next word.

17. Ask for vegetables in a french restaurant and the waiter will give you a long blank stare! Thats because in France, vegetables are called legumes. and in German they don't say Cauliflower they say Blumenkohl!!

18. Vegetable derives from the Latin word "Vegetatum" meaning to eat with the main course.

19. Square Vegetables are here at last! although rather duifficult it is now possible to grow cubic marrows with "special" equipment.

20. The first vegetable soup was onion, served in paris in 1876. Dozens of vegetable soups are available today, in boxes tins and packets. These include Florida Spring and Farmhouse Country.


OPERATION LULZ BITCHES

2007-08-01 13:21:38 by DeadBolt
Updated

Mine, Iateamexicans, and Papo's Hot, sexy, Bbs story, read it
Here but prepare to orgasm down your leg from the extreme arousal.


HEY THAR.

2007-07-18 12:18:20 by DeadBolt
Updated

Hey there people, I have no idea what to write since this is my first blog, so yeah. Have fun.
For your amusment here is a picture of a cracker.

HEY THAR.